If you’re anything like me – incredibly shy – then I’d make a firm bet that most of the language learning advice you’ve read online sets off at least mild anxiety.
How many times have you heard this when you run a Google search for how to learn a language:
"The best way to learn how to speak a language is to speak it."
I wish I earned a dollar every time I’ve read this. I’d be super rich!
But despite its popularity amongst language learners, it’s still advice that makes me want to run away and hide… and forget about language learning.
The only problem with that is I love languages. It’s an itch I’ve got to scratch. No matter how much I try, it won’t go away.
What to do about it?
What it feels like to be a shy language learner
I’ve struggled with shyness for as long as I can remember.
At parties and social gatherings, I’m a wallflower (if I’m there at all). I prefer my own company to a crowd. Books are my favourite companions. And big groups of people make me really nervous. Especially if they’re people I’ve never met before.
So, being told that in order to speak a new language I must strike up conversations with strangers was terrifying.
Simply reading the advice for language learners about “just getting out there and speaking” made me tense up. My natural impulse was to reject that advice and look for a different route.
I’d much rather stay home with a language textbook and labour through grammar drills than I would go out and speak. And there have been several occasions where that’s exactly what I’ve done. I punished myself with tedious and difficult exercises as a way to make up for not doing the work I should have been doing: speaking.
I was my own worst enemy
Like most people, I wanted language learning to be comfortable and easy. The problem? I veered between two extremes. I either stuck myself in the centre of my comfort zone (not speaking at all) or I stepped so far out of my comfort zone that I thought “I’m never doing that again.”
Over time, I became more and more afraid to test my limits and try things that challenged me. So instead, I allowed my shyness to hold me back from accomplishing a lot of the things that I would have loved to do.
In hindsight, after having tested the advice I am going to give you, I am the first to admit that I was getting in my own way.
I allowed myself to become the biggest obstacle to my own success and happiness.
When I took a look at where I was and what I wanted to achieve, I decided it wasn’t worth taking the comfortable road. There was so much more I knew I was capable of and I knew I couldn’t give my shyness any more power over my progress.
Eventually, I got tired of using my shyness as an excuse. I had to make changes.
Here’s what I did.
4 steps to overcome shyness and achieve your language learning goals
Step 1: Admit that you’re shy
You’ve got to start by being honest with yourself. If you’re shy, admit it, and get comfortable with that fact.
This seems rather obvious, but you’d be surprised how easy it is to become used to ignoring shyness rather than recognizing and dealing with it.
So how do you know if you’re shy?
If you’re shy you may have a hard time doing things like:
• Meeting new people
• Being called on in meetings, gatherings or classes
• Being the focus of attention
• Speaking up when you have an opinion to share
• Initiating conversations
• Being watched while trying to do something
• Accepting compliments
All these things can be hard to do in our native languages, let alone when adding a new language into the mix!
Being shy is totally okay. In fact, it can even be an asset! But if you’re running from your shyness, you’ll never learn how to make the most of it.
See the rest of the story at Business Insider